The Dolphin

Designation: Anti-Ship Scout
Training Headquarters: Carmichael Aqualabs, Glasgow
Field-Trained at: Allied Seaport
Creed: "Skree'ee--eee, eeek!" (Lit. "Freedom at any cost!")

Accessories:
» WP100 sonic disruptor
» Portable surveillance array
» Microchip ensures visibility on radar
» Form-fitting streamlined "uniform"
» Reinforced dorsal fin enhances speed

As the situation for the Allied Nations turned rather desperate in recent decades, they increasingly resorted to unconventional means of war. One such means involves guerilla-style schools of dolphins. The most prestigious of these schools, of course, is Scotland-based Carmichael Aqualabs, which is still the world's leading military training center for aquatic mammals. Though initially met with skepticism, the Allies' plans to use dolphins in open naval warfare against the Soviet Union is widely held today as one of the finest, most forward-thinking military initiatives of the last quarter century.

Shown here is the Allies' original dolphin test subject, Fins Flemming,
in his sensory deprivation chamber wearing a colorless prototype of the WP100 sonic disruptor.

The decision is not without controversy, mind you. To this day, Allied officials continue to staunchly defend their research-and-development into training and weaponizing common dolphins, insisting that they have taught these creatures to defend themselves and their aquatic homes. Notwithstanding the ongoing ethical debate, Allied dolphins--fitted with specially-made, fully-waterproof sonic disruptor technology--are indisputably effective. With proper training, these intelligent and obedient creatures can quickly and accurately relay the coordinates of foreign sea vessels, and in groups, they can do battle with surprisingly effective results.

Dolphins' sonic weaponry acts almost like a physical underwater jackhammer, pounding enemy targets until they begin to break apart. The dolphins are able to ignore the weapon frequencies and still communicate effectively with each other and their commanders even in the midst of all-out war versus the likes of their worst enemies, the Soviet Union's Akula-class submersibles. The Soviets have expressed open frustration with the dolphin warfare, however, and continue to experiment with new ways of combating these swift and brave creatures. For example, their new Stingray strike craft are known to send dangerous levels of electricity coursing through the waters--yet, in turn, the Allies' dolphins can leap high and far up and out of the water, out of harm's way.

A generation of sailors and war veterans once said that dolphins have no place on the modern battlefield, and that conventional ships and weapons are far superior in every way. However, after one now-famous dolphin single-flipperedly sank a Soviet dreadnought off the coast of Brighton Beach, only the Soviet Union's loudest propagandists still cling to this belief. (For her noble sacrifice, Puddles McIntyre posthumously received the Allies' most prestigious medal.)

It is believed that the Allied command core is soon preparing to unveil a complete military hierarchy exclusive to dolphin ranks, in recognition of their increasingly invaluable service.

Battlefield reconnaissance has revealed at least these facts about the Dolphins:

• Sonic disruptors -- Allied dolphins are expert fighters, well-trained with the sonic disruptor weapons custom-fitted around their flippers and dorsal fin. These weapons fire rapidly and are effective against all type of ships, without causing any environmental side-effects.

• The high-flying high jump -- The Allies' specially-trained dolphins have truly mastered the technique of leaping forth from out of the waves. They can jump much higher and farther than their wild brethren, which presents a variety of tactical benefits.

• Superior scan range -- While dolphins are formidable combatants, they are primarily used for reconnaissance. Between their natural speed and their top-of-the-line surveillance equipment, they can locate hostile forces well before they themselves are spotted--then quickly report back to base by back-swimming in a tail-stand.

• Bred for battle -- Because Allied dolphins are born to serve the cause of freedom, and because they have no use for monetary compensation, ultimately the Allies are able to train these creatures for a rather modest sum. Proceeds go to animal rights organizations and aquatic weapons research.

Last Updated on Friday, 02 January 2009 17:05